Yes, it’s true. Baby Emmett joined the Matthewpedia staff less than a fortnight ago. His contract stipulates that we promote the spelling of his name: it’s “Emmett” – two Es, two Ms, and two Ts. Once again, Mrs. Matthewpedia and I have our hands full onboarding our newest startup, an Apgar 9 who eats his weight in food every week.
Let me tell you – Emmett is already running this place. You know the type. They join your team and immediately start making demands. “Get me some food,” “I’m cold; do something about it,” and “I’ll be snoozing in my cube – wake me up if anything exciting happens.” It’s exhausting. Oddly enough, we’re all happily meeting said demands. Hopefully he’ll appreciate our efforts someday.
The last time this happened, we went radio silent for three years. Three years! Not this time though, faithful Matthewpedia readers. This time, we’ve retained Emmett’s mentor as in-house counsel (the senior staffer with three years of experience) to help us keep this place running. Let’s hope he knows what he’s doing.